Anxiety, Depression, and Being Fat Oh My!

In this big bad world lives big bad wolves. Today's society puts a lot of pressure on each and every one of us. Since my brother died in a tragic car accident in 2008 I've battled depression and anxiety. In 2014, I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma. I endured 6 months of strenuous chemotherapy that kicked my tail! Along came more anxiousness and more depressing thoughts. 

Since then I am on medication that helps live a little easier with these big bad wolves. 

I created this blog a while back to use as an outlet for me and my thoughts of weight loss. There is no weight lost here. NONE. I can try all the time but when the wolf growls at the door I'm curl up in the fetal position and cry or get angry and take my frustration out on innocent people like my husband. I always apologize but in my heart I feel that doesn't justify my actions. 

It's hard to try to set your mind to losing weight and doing right by getting healthy when you fight constant battles with the "wolves" everyday. It gets exhausting! I know everyone says it's Mind over Matter but when you are dealing with these wolves of anxiety and depression sometimes you can't explain what's wrong or why you feel a certain way you just have to try to work through it or cry it out (in most of my situations). 

Unless you go through the same things you'll never understand but know that you are very fortunate to not have either wolf growling at you because they both go hand in hand and they suck! Please think about those who do struggle with these issues and be sensitive to how they handle and process things. They may need a hug and be told everything will be okay. Or they might just want to be left alone to breathe. Either way remember to be considerate of those needs. 

I said all of that to say when you fight those wolves off it's hard to also fight off FAT! Being fat is one thing but being addicted to food is another.  I stress eat. It's horrible! I love food and the way it tastes. I don't care how good or bad it is for me. If I want it I'm going to eat it and you can't tell me I'm not. I'm a queen bee like that. So many times have I told myself I'm this week is the week! I'm gonna eat better and not eat what I want but what I need. Three days later I'm having a bad day and one stop at the convenience store for some chocolate and I'm good. No regrets until the scale breaks or I can't fit into any of my clothes. 

Something's got to give. Not only am I making my self suffer but it effects those around me I love. My weight holds them back as well.  Not being able to do things they like because I'm over weight. Cue the tears and bed time...

Another day Another Pound Ugh!

The saying goes "another day, another dollar"  what about another day  another pound"?  That's what I feel like lately. I'm at my heaviest weight that I have ever been in my entire life! It's really quite depressing!

I know that you are what you eat and damn., I eat everything! It's a real bad addiction. To overcome such  a huge obstacle I know that I'm going to need the drive and the  mindset but also I am going to need a support system.  I'm hoping that I can find motivation and the  right way of thinking to get food off the brain and health and fitness in its place.

This weekend was a huge struggle and a depressing realization that I not only need this for me but my family. We are adventurous and love to be outdoors. Being so overweight that you can't do things really is a hinderence.  Everything you do  as a fat person always come down to what you weigh. Going shopping if you're overweight you have to go to the fat girl stores. Why? Because normal stores don't carry your size. Oh you want to go zip line if? Well sorry, you've got to be under 250 lbs to participate.  Hey wanna go ride roller coasters? Shit, can't do that there's a weight limit for those too!

No one that has never been fat, obese, overweight, or whatever you want to call it  could ever relate to those issues.

WIDN

What I'm Doing Now

I know, I know...I've got some catching up to do here. Lumiday has been in my system for a full month and my husband is happier than ever! Not for that reason. It has worked so great. I'm not that ole betchy woman that complains and over reacts to stupid stuff. It may not work for you, but honey, it's working great for me!

Over the 4th of July Holiday we went to Surfside Beach and spent time with my parents and grandparents. It was a nice to relax on the beach and pretend to not have any care in the world other than when to turn over! 

My eating habits still totally suck. I eat whatever whenever and we all know that I am not working out. I'm still stuck in a rut. It's almost like I've dug a whole that I can't climb out of. I try but after just a teeny tiny bit of trying, I give up. That's always what happens. I just can't get my brain to click. Y'all say a prayer that I can get back into some sort of motivation to get this weight off.

Day 15



Today is day 15 of taking the Lumiday. I am confident when I say that this will be an everyday routine for me. To take this pill. I didn't really notice a difference in the way I felt at first. That first week I never noticed anything different with my body or the way that I act. The second week was much more noticeable. I could even tell that my husband and son were noticing the way things were much smoother in the way that I act and react to everyday life.

No one can say that they notice how they act and react in life. Most everyone does actions and reactions without much thought. This is why a lot times you get the most outrageous happenings. Some good. Some bad. Lately before taking anything or realizing I had a problem. I would lash out over the smallest of things. For example, the husband not picking up something I asked the day before. I would yell at him and tell him he better do it now. Then it would ruin my mood for the rest of the day. That isn't how it should be.

Now that I am two weeks into taking Lumiday I can say that my brain is not weighed down my the useless worry-some thoughts that are nonsense. It's like a breath of fresh air. Strange but true.

The one side effect that I have noticed is heartburn. Not long after I have taken the pill, I will notice heartburn for about 30 minutes. Other than that, I have no complaints!

*Keep in mind that I am in no way, shape, or form affiliated with GNC or Lumiday. I am not promoting anything. Always consult with your physician before making any changes to taking medications.

Today, I Try Something New

For a while now, I've struggled with anxiety and levels of stress. What do I stress about? Good question! I have no clue! Well I know I worry about the smallest, simplest things in life. Things that shouldn't be a big deal, I tend to make a big deal. I never realized I had a problem until a few years ago. I used to take Lexapro to chill me out. It worked great. Life was much better to deal with. Then my health insurance was gone because the job I was working was going away. So I had to finish what I had left. I was not able to get anymore. I took it for almost two years. Fast forward to today, 4 years later, and I'm still fighting this battle. It will be a life long battle but I really feel like I need something to help me fight the struggle.

Information below and image via GNC.com

"Lumiday is a revolutionary mood enhancement formula that has been scientifically formulated to help promote a positive mood, balanced serotonin levels, control appetite, and may help to reduce stress & anxiety levels. Featuring twelve key ingredients that have been tested for maximum effectiveness."

• Support Emotional Well-Being
• Ease Stress and Anxiety
• Promote Positive Mood
• Encourage Relaxation

I saw a commercial on television that sparked my interest. Lumiday. I am always sketchy when it comes to anything that they advertise on t.v. but it got my attention. I asked around to people I knew and got some thoughts on it but no one I knew had actually tried it. I did a little bit of research and concluded it's basically like a multi-vitamin in a sense. (look at the ingredients)

I talked with my husband and we decided that I would try it. We went to GNC and got a 30 day supply. Today is day one. I will keep a record of how I feel each day and try to update you each week to see how I feel and to see if it really helps me. Wish me luck!