Why didn't they teach this in school?

Being grown up has it's perks but it has its bad qualities too. When you grow up your friends change many times times. Your circle of friends will get smaller and almost non-existent. 

I don't know about you but I wasn't taught that growing up. I was always raised to be nice and make friends. In elementary and middle school days that's all you worried about was making friends and having best friends.  In high school it's a popularity contest and lawd have mercy on me but I was a total bitch in high school.

 If you knew me and I hurt you I'm sorry. I'm totally not like that now. Anyway, as we get older and get married, have kids, and work real jobs how do we manage to keep friends along the way? We aren't really taught that. It's more of a life lesson to figure out on our own. On all actuality you have acquaintances- these are the folks you know, maybe from high school or maybe through another friend or something but you just aren't that close. Maybe you're friends on fakebook and you'll say hey in Wally World in passing. Then you've got your friends- the ones you make time for. You go to dinner with them, you hang out with occasionally, or even go to the movies with. 

Then there's frenemies. Yep, I said it. They're real. Don't even try to lie. You've got em. You just don't want to admit it. They may have been your friend once upon a time and now that bridge has been burned. You ain't building it back. Nope. No way, no how! They're evil! Fake as shit too! I'd rather have not one friend than to encounter in public a frenemy. Today, I encountered (in less than an hour mind you) 3 frenemies. 3! Three. THREE!! Y'all! I can't handle that much all at once! My anxiety deep down inside was drown and screaming for help! 

I suffered through it though. It was like ripping off a band-aid. It hurt like hell to be hugged by an imitation of what used to be my amigo. I grinned, I bared it, and yes it sucked. I'm an adult and that's how it goes. Why can't they teach this shit in school so when we grow up we expect these things to happen and know how to deal with it?

Anxiety, Depression, and Being Fat Oh My!

In this big bad world lives big bad wolves. Today's society puts a lot of pressure on each and every one of us. Since my brother died in a tragic car accident in 2008 I've battled depression and anxiety. In 2014, I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma. I endured 6 months of strenuous chemotherapy that kicked my tail! Along came more anxiousness and more depressing thoughts. 

Since then I am on medication that helps live a little easier with these big bad wolves. 

I created this blog a while back to use as an outlet for me and my thoughts of weight loss. There is no weight lost here. NONE. I can try all the time but when the wolf growls at the door I'm curl up in the fetal position and cry or get angry and take my frustration out on innocent people like my husband. I always apologize but in my heart I feel that doesn't justify my actions. 

It's hard to try to set your mind to losing weight and doing right by getting healthy when you fight constant battles with the "wolves" everyday. It gets exhausting! I know everyone says it's Mind over Matter but when you are dealing with these wolves of anxiety and depression sometimes you can't explain what's wrong or why you feel a certain way you just have to try to work through it or cry it out (in most of my situations). 

Unless you go through the same things you'll never understand but know that you are very fortunate to not have either wolf growling at you because they both go hand in hand and they suck! Please think about those who do struggle with these issues and be sensitive to how they handle and process things. They may need a hug and be told everything will be okay. Or they might just want to be left alone to breathe. Either way remember to be considerate of those needs. 

I said all of that to say when you fight those wolves off it's hard to also fight off FAT! Being fat is one thing but being addicted to food is another.  I stress eat. It's horrible! I love food and the way it tastes. I don't care how good or bad it is for me. If I want it I'm going to eat it and you can't tell me I'm not. I'm a queen bee like that. So many times have I told myself I'm this week is the week! I'm gonna eat better and not eat what I want but what I need. Three days later I'm having a bad day and one stop at the convenience store for some chocolate and I'm good. No regrets until the scale breaks or I can't fit into any of my clothes. 

Something's got to give. Not only am I making my self suffer but it effects those around me I love. My weight holds them back as well.  Not being able to do things they like because I'm over weight. Cue the tears and bed time...

Another day Another Pound Ugh!

The saying goes "another day, another dollar"  what about another day  another pound"?  That's what I feel like lately. I'm at my heaviest weight that I have ever been in my entire life! It's really quite depressing!

I know that you are what you eat and damn., I eat everything! It's a real bad addiction. To overcome such  a huge obstacle I know that I'm going to need the drive and the  mindset but also I am going to need a support system.  I'm hoping that I can find motivation and the  right way of thinking to get food off the brain and health and fitness in its place.

This weekend was a huge struggle and a depressing realization that I not only need this for me but my family. We are adventurous and love to be outdoors. Being so overweight that you can't do things really is a hinderence.  Everything you do  as a fat person always come down to what you weigh. Going shopping if you're overweight you have to go to the fat girl stores. Why? Because normal stores don't carry your size. Oh you want to go zip line if? Well sorry, you've got to be under 250 lbs to participate.  Hey wanna go ride roller coasters? Shit, can't do that there's a weight limit for those too!

No one that has never been fat, obese, overweight, or whatever you want to call it  could ever relate to those issues.